Grief & Sorrow

A silent weep a lingering moment 

Mere thoughts of you and atonement

Words express not, my feelings right now

Resentment and hate, but how?

My soul is screaming hurting in pain

Cries that falls down together with the rain

I scream out loud only in my brain
Suffering so much I cannot explain

For maybe I've lost a part of me

A vital piece which I gave so freely

The imporantance of it she did not see

Time and Loyalty is too expensive to thee

I regret that I've loved so much

It ate me alive and got crushed 

The days spent and memories together

Was washed and thrown away like it didnt matter

And now waiting as it hunts my soul
Physically and mentally it took its toll

Death has claimed me and now I fall

Burying my oldself and will never recall

Disintegration

Tears rush down each time I feel an ache

As to the person that I knew was nothing but a fake

I often find my self breaking down

Loosing emotional control is bound

My soul is screaming of the pain that you brought

A loud cry so silent, could only be heard in your thoughts

Like an butcher knife that can cut your flesh and bones

So agonizing and excruciating that you need to own

I prayed to God to take this pain away

As to its killing me inside out in both ways

The mental struggles that I need to endure

Forgeting it all, because my love was pure

The broken promises and inconsistency

Left me hanging and floating on this tears of sea

Crying my heart out to release it all

Bringing my self back each time I fall

Shaking, shivering, wondering and consoling oneself

Alone in my room trembling is all I felt

Consumed by fears resentment and anxiety
Guess this is all for me to take to see clarity

Breach of Faith

The day you showed me your betrayal

Is the time that strayed me away from you, a portrayal

The agony which I was not able to process

The hate that accumulated, all feelings into ashes

I was still trying and hoping going sober

But alas you showed me your true color

The innocences in your face that deceived me

The thought of you not doing things that was previously done onto me

The torture and un explainable pain I endured

The view of it burns my eyes wishing I was blind

I was so dumb founded by your smile

That it never crossed my mind that you would be that kind

I was losing my patience, and holding it in

The inner strength that I took from the beginning

To keep myself at bay was so straining

I cannot keep up with this pace of shaming

All I wanted was to explode in anger

And go outrage to everything, be the danger

Wasting all that hinders that has no say

Crashing everything that stands in my way

I was so consumed by this element

It was not so me as I intended

The peace in my head was washed out

The calm and collected goes out loud

As this path where it leads me through

A place that I must pursue

A distant location to reflect

The nirvana to make the life back in effect

Lost of Lost

A version of me which I try to hide

Was triggered and put out in sight

The beast that I was holding in

Was freed by the person I trusted with it.

The tolerance and chances that I gave

The goodness in every thing I save

The hope of change that I always crave

The you I dreamed to be so brave

 

I can now only see the damage done

The devistation of my self as one

I lost my peace with in me

I was at war with my self litterally

 

I never thought that it would be like this

Emotionaly draining and so de evaluating

The nonsense and drama

The accusation and karma

 

I thought I found the love that I sought 

I thought it was true that I fought

But alas this was not real

But my feelings was so profound in this deal

 

I hate what I've become

As to anger and hate I succumed  

I lost my way in the light

I wondered into the darkeness and take flight

Pain in Silence

When the day I started to move on

There was doubt, a feeling of hesitation;

I thought I would never break free

But then, I was able to see

 

As the days passes by

feeling that it will be fine;

But as I thought of it getting better

The situation gets worser

 

Remembering the joy and the pain

Recalling the best and the worst gains;

The more I realize the mistakes

Which time was wasted for a love that was fake

 

Before I was blinded by love

That I thought it was too much have;

But little did I know

Gaslighting and manipulation did show

 

I did see all the red flags

But I was so naive to keep it un tagged;

It was my fault to fail in this situation

Was blindsided in this invitation

 

I crashed and burn which I cannot help

Realization is the day I found my self;

So as I wake up from this nigthmare of a dream

Scattered pieces of me, flowing like a stream

Beautiful Torment

As my day starts to unravel

I can feel the ache carve in my heart in this travel;

Another day of anguish and pain

Another day of lost and gain

You broke me into a million pieces more.

Like grains of sands that is scattered on the floor;

Sulking, crying, scared, broken and deficit

I'm trying to put together what is left of it

I'm suspended in the eternity of longing and heart ache

Trapped in the future we build in this break;

It was brutal for me letting all of that go

It kills me inside, just taking each blow

Lately I just realize how badly you treated me

I asked, begged and pleaded for mercy;

Yet you were cruel, unjust in my eyes of faith

All the pain build up and started to became hate

The trauma of the experience of what you gave

The PAIN was so intense, it almost took me to the grave

I never thought you would hurt me so bad

That it feels like a thousand knives stabs to my heart

All I did was love you with all of my heart

Took care of you and gave what you need from the start

If this is how you love me in return

I have taken it whole heartedly until i burn 

Mesmerized

As I wake up and see your beautiful face

A gentle breeze in a warm place

I held you close right into my arms

An embrace so tight saving you from harm;

Feeling your breath around thee

Whispering saying stay with me

Kissing your fore head and cheeks

Like a butterfly saying I love you as it leaps;

Watching you sleep into the night

A subtle peace that is quite alright

Seeing your vulnerable state

Yet clinging, holding me not to wake;

I dream't that we were flying

soring high and both smiling

So I lay here beside you is a must

While the moon shine its rays on us;

I smiled and thank my lucky stars

That my love is here and not afar

So as this moment keeps us together

Our love and bond will always be forever;